Pornography is misused, misappropriated, and misunderstood. With the advent of the internet, YouTube, and other forms of streaming media readily available, there has been an exponential growth in the viewing and downloading of porn over the last 20 years. Consequently, there has also been a backlash to this increased use with fixation on labels such as “sexual addiction” used by some to accuse and others to rationalize. But despite the paranoia surrounding it, pornography can be a very useful tool for increasing sexual arousal, as well as exploring your own sexuality.
Pornography is defined simply as anything that is created with the intention of arousing sexual desire – artwork, writing, pictures, etc. We can see that pornography in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. But as with most things in life, it can get out of control or be unhealthy for us if we do not use it in a way that is balanced. Pornography can be very useful for individuals or couples to increase their sexual arousal and excitement. But it does take discipline. It is easily misused to get continuous sexual stimulation, but eventually can lead to boredom and the search for higher and higher levels of stimulation.
The way our minds work, we need some variety to keep us interested. This is true for sex as it is for most areas in life. Couples that have been together for some time may become discouraged if they do not have the same level of excitement with each other, unless they realize that need to work at creating that excitement through variety. Pornography can be very helpful in providing erotic material to spice things up. But just as with a favorite movie or book, if we continuously see it over and over again, we can get bored with it as well. This is why taking a step back and creating our own porn can make all the difference in the world.
Creating your own porn consists of taking images that you might have seen in a porn movie or magazine, or read about in an erotic story, and then practicing having variations on that theme in your own mind. Instead of going back and watching a movie again, for example, you may whisper to your partner what was particularly exciting for you. Or you can keep it to yourself and replay a particularly exciting idea or scenario. You can practice making up different scenes or images related to it. In this way, you work with your own brain’s creativity to increase your capacity for sexual fantasy, and you have less opportunity to become desensitized, or bored, with that particular theme.
Remember that fantasies are a natural way that our mind works to create exciting thoughts for us and get us aroused. Fantasies can consist of almost anything, but are usually images related to the time of our sexual awakening and (believe it or not) our anxieties. Sometime people are embarrassed or feel guilty about having certain fantasies, but it is important to remember that it is very common to fantasize about something that we don’t necessarily want to do in real life. When we create our own porn, we also give ourselves artistic license to explore what images and themes are particularly exciting to us. And because our sexuality is constantly evolving throughout our life, you may find that your images and themes may morph, or shift, or go in cycles. It’s all fair game.
Well. Since I just woke up at 4 A.M. with one of those AMAZING nightly erections that come to men for free … I thought that I might read one of your articles.
This article reminds me of something I have thought about. Image therapy or image exploration. I had this idea where men and women having trouble expressing what they want to each other in words (or maybe the words just end up getting in the way), could each create a sort of fashion / erotic magazine.
This magazine would contain pages from fashion and erotic magazines (or images printed from their computer) that the person finds attractive. They look over the other persons magazine seperately and for the first 24 hours can’t discuss it. They have to be a silent voyeur. They can only look at the magazine and think about the images the other person chose.
Then they go through each others magazine together, discuss it, get horny, have sex, talk about how they can give the other person what they see in the images, etc. It may be that both people not only discover each others sexual fantasies but also life fantasties. And perhaps both the sex fantasies and life fantasies could begin to be made reality.
They could continue to do this every few months, using it to further explore and to get them aroused for sex with each other. It could be made into a fun thing that they look forward to. They could even write poems or articles for the magazine. They could collaborate into making one magazine together. It could be a lot of fun.
Oh … and one other thing. I agree with you that a lot of people these days are calling themselves sex addicts to excuse themselves for wanting to be polyamorous or for enjoying an increased quantity and quality of sex. Celebrity men do this anytime they are caught cheating on their wives. Women who have had fantastic sex lives write biographies about how they are a sex addict if they have been enjoying a fantastic sex life and suddenly feel badly or slutty about it. It is the get out of jail free card of the 2000’s. Unfortunately, I feel that this is just one more thing that makes other people fear having a great sex life. ‘Great sex life? Oh, you must be a sex addict and need to be re-educated’.