Sex can accomplish many different purposes and is often many things at the same time. Not only do we feel physical pleasure, but it adds to our sense of worth, attractiveness, and desirability. We feel alive and powerful as our blood flows and hormones course through our bodies. Each person has a unique sense of what makes them feel sexy. Certainly our culture has a lot to say about what is considered sexy or not. But how does each person end up feeling sexy for themselves?

Sexy is not just about looks. If you ask most people, they will tell you that sexiness is confidence, it’s an attitude. You get that attitude from having a strong sense of self from the inside, regardless of what’s going on around you. Sexy is knowing that you revel in your pleasure. Sexy is recognizing your desire to share that power and pleasure. Feeling sexy depends on what you feel about yourself and is no one else’s responsibility but your own.

Our culture, however, is constantly changing the idea of what is attractive – just think of fashion and what’s in and what’s out of fashion. As we grow up from childhood to becoming adults, we develop a sense of self-worth and self-esteem based on our experiences. Once we are mature, that sense of self-worth becomes pretty stable and we can know for ourselves whether we think we are good, attractive, caring, witty, and even sexy. We can be affected by other people’s opinions and even want to follow the fashion, but our sense of self-worth is pretty stable and not dependent on the actions or comments of others.

Unfortunately, some people get to adulthood still depending on other people’s constant approval to boost their sense of self-worth. They haven’t developed a stable sense of value of themselves, so they frequently ask others to tell them if they are attractive, or sexy, or good. Sex easily gets caught up in this cycle since it’s easy to equate another person’s desire for you as a measure of your attractiveness. If a person like this doesn’t develop a stable sense of their self-worth apart from this outward source, they will always be dependent on getting compliments and even using sex to boost how they feel about themselves.

This can be a trap for some people always looking for the next emotional boost from sex. These are also the ones that can end up very depressed and with very poor self-esteem as they get older because their physical looks aren’t the same as when they were in their 20’s and 30’s. It becomes a trap because their emotional well-being depends on a physical body that gets older each day and further and further away from society’s projected image of what is sexy. No amount of complements, praise, or sex is ever enough to bring lasting happiness to someone who doesn’t feel it from the inside because each complement only lasts a short while until the next time they have a doubt about their self-worth.

What makes you feel confident and sexy from the inside?

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