Was kissing ever an event for you? Or was it always a means to an end – something to be pushed along faster and faster to escalate to sex? The challenge now is to slow ourselves down with the goal of rediscovering the magic of kissing. This help us take the focus off of intercourse and reconnect with the excitement of gentle touching. Here is a wonderful example of kissing for the sake of kissing:

“I remember when I was about 12 or 13 years old, there was a boy in the neighborhood my same age who took a liking to me – and I to him. We would meet in the afternoons after school and spend hours talking and exploring. What I remember the most were the hours that we would spend kissing slowly. It seemed like those kisses would go on forever and were magical. Every detail was savored like it was an entire experience unto itself. His lips did not hesitate, but they did not push. It was like a perfect dance of kissing and being kissed. His tongue was present, but waiting to explore mine quietly and tenderly. As I would slide the tip of my tongue over his, it seemed like a whole new depth to our kisses that reverberated in my chest. As he would press against my lips, it would serve only to increase my hunger for another kiss to reclaim the feeling. We could go on like that for hours and were never hurried to move on to other things. The kissing was satisfying enough. To this day, I cannot remember his face, but only his mouth.”

Kissing is a very intimate form of communication. Through a kiss, one person tells another how open they are to them, how relaxed they are, how present they are. When we kiss, we take in our partner’s scent, their breath, their being. Because our lips have about 200 times the nerve endings that our fingertips have, they are much more sensitive to light touch and pressure. If done with intention, kissing is one of the most sensual experiences that you can share with another. There is a reason why the Kama Sutra goes on to discourse about some 30 different types of kisses. Kissing also decreases our stress as it reduces the amount of cortisol (stress hormone) that we have circulating through our bodies. And it is one of the best ways to boost oxytocin in men, which increases bonding. But too often, we forget about the mystery and magic of kissing and we gloss over the importance of kissing. We become accustomed to using kissing merely as a prelude to further sexual activity and we forget how it used to create wonderment and tremendous excitement in us.

Did you ever have a time when you would just kiss your partner for hours with the only goal being the enjoyment of the kissing itself? Reconnecting to the joy of kissing is a wonderful way to heighten the excitement between you and add variety to your sex life. So in preparation for Valentine’s Day, take some time out just for kissing. Make kissing an event. Try an evening of kissing, without moving on to sex, just kissing. Immerse yourself in your partners lips, tongue, cheeks, and caresses. Explore kissing their face, behind their ears, over their eyes and forehead. And deliberately kiss your partner slowly to feel each movement in their mouth and tongue. In the end, our mind controls what is pleasing to us and what we choose to focus on. Kissing can be an activity all on its own that can be slow, deliberate, and take up hours. You can get lost in the feel of your partner’s lips softly pressing against yours. You can marvel at touching their tongue with yours as you move slow to feel every passing moment. You can allow yourself to get lost in the moment. You can make kissing an event.

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