Talk to most teenage guys and you’ll find that their erections seem to have a mind of their own – popping up when least expected or perhaps at a less-than-opportune time. But for many men, the opposite can be just as disconcerting – desperately wanting to have an erection at a particular moment, and finding no cooperation from the involved member. It seems that erections can be quite finicky and are affected by a multitude of factors.
After puberty, testosterone levels are usually at their highest, driving competitiveness, aggression, and sexuality. It seems that almost anything from nervousness, to excitation, to daydreaming, to boredom can trigger an erection. For many teenage guys, masturbating daily or even several times a day is common without untoward consequences.
Then we cut to a sexual situation. Maybe there is the expectation of having sex with a partner that is very attractive and exciting, so much so that a guy becomes anxious about his ability to please his partner. If his anxiety starts to overshadow his excitement, he may not be able to keep an erection or even get one at all. Once the anxiety becomes the predominating thought, not only does it flood the system with adrenaline, but it leaves little room for real erotic thoughts that drive arousal.
What kind of response a guy gets to his level of arousal can also greatly influence the level of his erection or ability to maintain it. A strong, judgmental, hysterical, or demanding attitude on the part of his partner is not only insensitive, but works directly against his arousal and can make the situation even worse. The more that a guy can continue to focus primarily on what he finds exciting without getting pressure from his partner or from his own performance anxiety, the better the chance that he will have in getting an erection that he is pleased with and keeping that erection.
When anxiety takes hold, the best tactic is to redirect one’s thoughts to whatever activity or stimulus is pleasurable and erotic in the moment. Don’t worry about what will happen 5 minutes from now since you are only in control of the present. Similarly, don’t continue to beat yourself up about past disappointments, because those moments have passed and you have the ability to shape each moment differently. Instead, pick the first thing that is the most erotic for you and let yourself completely focus on this. Sex is much better when it is a “want to” and not a “have to.”
“A strong, judgmental, hysterical, or demanding attitude on the part of his partner is not only insensitive, but works directly against his arousal and can make the situation even worse.” Oh how true that is. The judgmental component has taken a hold of me a while back and I cant seem to shake it. My wife doesnt criticize me for not turning her on but rather the new things I want to try. They say it is good to want to try a variety but it isnt always that way when comments and responses come back to haunt you in the midst of an intimate moment. Try get it up then, let alone keep it hard. Who says the brain isnt the biggest sex organ?
If I do not ejaculate for 3 or 4 days, I sometimes awaken several times in the early morning hours; always with a fully erect Penis.. It may occur not quite as frequently the following night however again every time I awaken, my Penis is at full arousal.. This will continue to occur morning after morning until I choose to ejaculate either in her vagina or by whatever other means.. This has led me to conclude that my Penis must be at full erection all of the time in which I am asleep..
D A – I would caution against making such assumptions. Most likely is that you are stimulated to wake up when you have an erection. This then gives you a skewed impression that you always have an erection while you are sleeping. If this were actually the case, this would be considered priapism, and you would have experienced pain and probably infarction of the penile tissue (death of the tissue). That said, if it has been a few days since you have had an ejaculation, your body naturally works it way back to having nocturnal emissions (wet dreams) in which you have sex dreams that end in orgasm and ejaculation, even if you are not stimulating yourself. The body knows what it’s doing.