With the ever increasing exposure to pornography available today, more and more people are using porn as their model on which they base their sexual activity. Doing this often leads people to very unrealistic expectations about many different aspects of sexual activity, including level of excitement and response to certain stimulation, physical expectations of partners, and even what activities give real pleasure as opposed to what looks good onscreen. Because of this, it often results in unnecessary anxiety that may interfere with a person’s sexual experience, or cause a person to avoid certain sexual activities altogether.
Such is the case for some people and fellatio (performing oral sex on a man). Sometimes men may compare themselves to the actors they see in these films and think that they do not have as much physical sensation in their penis, because the way they feel does not seem to compare to the extreme response the actor gives when he is touched or stimulated. Other men may feel insecure because they do not feel that they physically compare to the anatomy of some of the men they see in pornographic films or images. Women too can have considerable anxiety when they see images of what seems like deep-throating, or other activities they feel would be uncomfortable or be outside of their control.
In order to give a man pleasurable oral sex, focus more on trial and error and less on the images you see in porn. You don’t have to take him all the way down your throat either. In fact, most men prefer the stimulation that a person’s mouth provides when there is a little suction, some movement from the tongue, and coordination with fingers to extend the area of stimulation going down his shaft (like holding a bottle by the neck and leaving the top free). This means that you don’t have to take an erection all the way into the back of your throat like you see in many videos. In fact, deep-throating doesn’t provide nearly as much stimulation as does the combo just described above. It just appeals to the visual part of giving a blow job with the idea that a man is getting his entire erection stimulated. Then to add to the experience of the physical sensation, you can also experiment with licking his shaft up and down, as well as over his scrotum while you have his erection in your hand. Try different combinations, speeds, amount of pressure, etc. and talk about what you like more and what gives you the most pleasure.
Perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind is that pornography is made to be sensationalistic. Like most action movies, they try to get the most “bang for their buck” so that people will buy/view them. But much of what you will see in pornography is not something that you should use to base your expectations for sex. Instead, learning about what your partner likes and using communication, trial and error, and some playfulness will take you far.
Using porn as a guide to sexuality would be akin to using Mission Impossible as a guide to intelligence gathering.
@oinonio Thank You. Exactly. Unfortunately, so many people use porn as their guide and base their expectations on it, especially the younger internet generation.