It’s pretty well known that there are many younger men who have a real preference for older women. It’s not all about the woman being a “cougar” either. This is real and powerful attraction for many guys. But why does a woman in her 40’s (late 30’s – early 50’s?) have such sexual desirability? The answer goes beyond the physical and into what makes sex fun – fantasy.
For many guys, an older woman holds the promise of having more sexual experience as well as already knowing what she likes in sex. With more experience comes the idea of less anxiety so that both the woman and the man can really give themselves up to pleasure. When there is less anxiety and more pleasure, the other partner is also more free and adventurous.
But it’s not all about experience. Studies have shown that men’s brains are wired in such a way that their arousal is about the big picture. If they get caught up in details of emotional baggage, their arousal gets short-circuited. Older women have the allure of already knowing what they want so that there is less emotional detail or entanglement. They also give the impression that they are having sex for fun, already have their life details established, and don’t want to rock the boat. All these allow for the fantasy of the older woman wanting sex with no strings attached, and this is a very attractive idea to most guys.
Of course, what I have described here is the fantasy of sex with an older woman. Also, you must keep in mind that just as in any population, there can be quite a bit of variation in older women and what they are comfortable with or what they want. There are plenty of older women who are self-conscious, anxious, needy, and don’t know what they want. But I don’t think that these women really play into the sexual fantasies of young men. Of course, there is always an exception!